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THE ALLISTON GERALD
Stay Informed With Ontario's Most Unreliable News Source
Everett Man Believes He May Have Eaten Easter Bunny
EVERETT, ONTARIO—A local man claims he has reasonable cause to believe he may have accidentally hunted, cooked, and consumed the animal...
“We Thought They Were Ornamental”: New Residents of Small Town Shocked To Find Train Tracks For Trains
TOTTENHAM, ONTARIO—A growing number of new residents in an Ontario town claim to have been unaware of the occasionally noisy trains...
Local Trail Now Made Up Entirely Of Dog Poop
BEATTIE PINERY, ALLISTON—Ontario Parks has recently taken steps to replace the mulch on a local walking path with 4,500 tonnes of...
School Board Praises Vandals For Unwavering Commitment To Free-Range Eggs While Vandalizing School
The Simcoe County District School Board is finding the positive in the behaviour of a group of youngsters who egged one of Alliston’s...
“Forty’s The New Twenty,” Says Delusional Aging Person
BEETON, Ontario—-Sources indicate that a man on the verge of turning forty told a group of friends that he was similar, if not the same...
Crossword: A Walk Through Beeton
Test your knowledge of Beeton. The puzzle indicates if you guessed correctly. How many correct answers are you able to find?
WANTED: Salaried Tenants to Fill Apartment in Public Washroom
Act now before someone else nabs this golden opportunity to live in an affordable, centrally-located apartment that is, technically...
Alliston Couple Living Off Holiday Trash Comforted By New Year's Fitness Plans They’ll Never Get Around To
An Alliston couple is preparing to radically change their diet and fitness level in the New Year by posting about it on social media and...
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