theallistongerald
Library Piloting New Children’s Literacy Program, ‘Reading Rats’
“At first we were all set on ‘Counting Cats’ as the new program,” Donna Chambers, Senior Assistant Advisor to the Chair of the Committee...
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THE ALLISTON GERALD
theallistongerald
Feb 192 min read
“We Thought They Were Ornamental”: New Residents of Small Town Shocked To Find Train Tracks For Trains
TOTTENHAM, ONTARIO—A growing number of new residents in an Ontario town claim to have been unaware of the occasionally noisy trains...
theallistongerald
Feb 132 min read
Residential Developer Not Sure Whether To Send Ford Valentines Flowers, Chocolates, or Off-Shore Bank Deposit
BEETON—In the gift section of the Beeton Foodland on Tuesday night, sources observed the president and founder of Plateau, a residential...
theallistongerald
Feb 102 min read
Local Trail Now Made Up Entirely Of Dog Poop
BEATTIE PINERY, ALLISTON—Ontario Parks has recently taken steps to replace the mulch on a local walking path with 4,500 tonnes of...
theallistongerald
Feb 42 min read
Town Council and SCDSB Vote To Rebuild Banting Memorial High School In Manitoba
ALLISTON, ONTARIO—After years of deliberation, the Town Council of New Tecumseth and the Simcoe County District School Board have come to...
theallistongerald
Jan 301 min read
Woman Claims Bike Lanes Ruining Parts of City She Would Never Live In
TORONTO—A woman told reporters last Monday that the Bloor and Ossington neighbourhood she visits once or twice every three years is being...
theallistongerald
Jan 132 min read
“Forty’s The New Twenty,” Says Delusional Aging Person
BEETON, Ontario—-Sources indicate that a man on the verge of turning forty told a group of friends that he was similar, if not the same...
theallistongerald
Jan 112 min read
Area Woman Prides Self On Hating Majority Of Town's Coffee
ALLISTON—Witnesses indicate that a local woman was heard telling friends outside a coffee shop that she was unable to find a decent cup...
theallistongerald
Jan 71 min read
WANTED: Salaried Tenants to Fill Apartment in Public Washroom
TORONTO—Looking to live a clutter-free life of experience, adventure and unlimited toilet paper? Look no further. Sweat disorder leaves...
theallistongerald
Jan 51 min read
Barrie Hopes To One-Up Bylaw That Would Have Banned Feeding The Homeless
BARRIE, ONTARIO–After drafting a bylaw last year that would have seen fines handed out to those who feed the homeless, Barrie City...
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