Does Life Get Any Better Than Vomiting In The Beer Garden Of Your Town’s Vegetable-Themed Festival? Definitely

ALLISTON, ONTARIO—-Some of Sean Dougall’s earliest memories consuming alcohol in public took place at his hometown’s annual vegetable-themed festival. We caught up with Sean, now forty-nine, to discuss the time-honoured tradition of attending the festival's beer garden.

“I still remember not knowing how much I could drink without vomiting in my best friend’s knapsack and picking a fight with a twenty-year-old bartender trying to give me a cup of water,” Dougal told reporters. “And that’s exactly what I plan to do this weekend.”

Dougall looks forward to seeing people he went to school with but admits he can’t help feeling pity and a little anger every time he sees an old friend leaving the festival before nightfall.

“It’s like, ‘What? Are you above this now? You have kids to put to bed? What are you so busy with now, anyway—A book? Exercise? Transcendental meditation? Puh-lease. I know a sell-out when I bearhug one,” he reported thinking to himself. 

One person Dougall is not bothered at running into is Frank Gomes, the leader singer of the cover band playing exclusively classic rock at the Potato Festival.

“I started Cartoons In A Cartoon Graveyard because I got tired of making music no one cared about. People want ACDC and ‘Come On, Eileen’ and I want to get paid,” Gomes said. “As a teen, I thought cover bands were pandering to the themes a kid outgrows by grade 9. I never thought my career would be defined by that same boomer nostalgia that was already old when I was young. We do play some Bruno Mars, though.”

But the festival is not only for those who grew up in the area. Matteo Facci, a new resident of Tree Tops, says he tried it out for the first time last year. 

“I had some questions about this Pot Fest everyone was talking about, such as ‘Why do they call it that?’” Facci said. “And now I have all my questions answered. My kids have to be home by 3 pm.” 

Facci, who grew up near Canada’s Wonderland, says even though he spent his childhood elsewhere, attending the festival does make him feel more at home. 

“I used to always hear my parents whining about how they spent fourteen hours and $400 for my family to wait in line for a handful of rides and eat a beavertail,” Facci said, wistfully. “And now that tradition gets to live on through me and my family.”