EDITORIAL: Tornado Warnings Are Destroying The Economy And Creating A New World Order

A recent tornado warning has many people heading indoors to protect themselves and their families from a deadly threat. Does this sound familiar? 

Many freethinkers are waking up to the reality of tornado warnings and what they are really made for. 

Do me a favour: Before reading further, open up a search engine other than Microsoft Edge. Search ‘Tornado’ and ‘Bill Gates’ as quickly as you can. Find anything noteworthy? If not, he’s probably already scrubbed it.

Let me ask you, when was the last time you bought a high-speed motor boat during a tornado warning? Oh, you’ve never done that? Well, I guess the owner of the boat dealership didn’t get to make certain purchases because he never sold you that boat. Fast forward ten steps and you can’t feed your family. That’s how an economy works, and where did the problem originate? I think you’re beginning to see the bigger picture.

Imagine your family’s wealth was invested in the industrial complex that is Big Meteorology and that everytime Environment Canada approved a weather alert, your bank account had a tiny growth spurt. Now would you hate it when tornado warnings occur and people are forced to postpone the purchases of high speed boats or would you like making money? 

The truth is Big Meteorology's been profiting off of your fears for so long that they could make your phone ring an alarm if they wanted to. Maybe they will, but tell me this: Have you ever even seen a tornado?

Now I’m not some tinfoil wearing anti-science conspiracy theorist, but I do believe the tornado warnings are a hoax designed by Klaus Schwab, the Vatican and the World Economic Forum to force citizens into their basements so they can establish a world government by sunrise.

So what am I suggesting? Do your own research. As for me and my house, we’re watching Sharknado and Twister in the attic. 

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of satire. If there is a tornado warning in your area, you should probably go to the basement or somewhere safe.