For A Limited Time If You Go To Cool Moose Creamery And Say, "The Alliston Gerald Sent Me," They'll Have No Idea What You're Talking About

For a limited time if you go to Cool Moose Creamery and say, "The Alliston Gerald sent me," they'll have no idea what you're talking about. They would likely suggest you have the wrong place.

If you walk next door to Flavor Kitchen and say, "The Alliston Gerald Brings The Flavor," the person working will be super confused, and if you keep saying it, you'll likely be asked to leave.

If you go behind the bar at William's, pour yourself a tall one, and say, "I'll take a pint of the Alliston Gerald Secret Brew," they would have every right to phone the police.

After repeating the same sort of thing at Gust, Eden Grill and Champ Burger, there would begin to circulate the understanding that an unhinged person is going around to local businesses making references to an online satirical page about Alliston. If you repeat it at Barnstormers, pouring yourself the pint and everything, they would almost certainly call the police, who will already have the report from William's and would easily spot you walking on King St.

If upon your arrest you say, "The Alliston Gerald got me thrown in the slammer!" the police will probably write that down as a part of your report.

If during your hearing you say, "If lovin' the A.G. is a crime, then, your honour, consider me guilty as charged," no one will be amused, though the judge will mercifully lower your sentence to a peace bond restricting your entry to certain restaurants. Also, you will likely need to attend a support group for people with impulse-control issues.

If at your first meeting, you lift up your shirt to reveal the Alliston Gerald written in paint on your stomach, you'll be asked to wait your turn, but, chances are, a talent scout will be in attendance and she'll ask the organizers for your contact information.

If during your first audition, you ignore the script and shout "Alliston Gerald, show me the money!" they'll be tickled and consider you for a alternate role, and if you continue your schtick throughout the filming, the director will develop a soft spot for your nonsensical charm and you’ll be cast with Steve Buscemi in a buddy cop movie, which will be an unexpected smash hit, and you'll get a record deal for a Christmas album of duets with Lady Gaga.

But if you continue making obscure allusions to a website about your hometown even after moving to California, people will lose interest, you'll find yourself eye-rolled out of Hollywood, and all the money and clout you had will dwindle.

If you continue loyally endorsing the Alliston Gerald in every interaction, you’ll likely see career opportunities narrow and your relative celebrity status upon returning home will fade in a few years, but you will hopefully be given a chance by a local ice cream shop, such as Cool Moose Creamery. If on your first shift someone walks in and says, “The Alliston Gerald sent me,” you would probably give that person an extra scoop of ice cream.