In Bizarre Turn Of Events, Driver of Ford F-150 An Okay Person

BARRIE, ONTARIO—While allegations are unproven in court and all testimonies at this time remain anecdotal, one local man alleges he witnessed a driver of a Ford F-150 behaving like a reasonable adult. Frank Di Rocco claims a man in a black F-150 allowed him to merge onto Highway 400 and then followed him at a safe distance until exiting the highway.

“Statistically speaking,” Harvey Singh, a scholar of vehicular personalities, indicated, “it is about as close to improbable as it gets. Years of research, data, and my own experience driving alongside those overcompensating idiots point conclusively to one finding: F-150 ownership and courteous driving don't go together.

Singh indicated the likelihood of a person making decisions based on an intelligent framework of ethics and then also deciding to own an F-150 was statistically on par with a meteor destroying Earth in the next minute, your cat meowing the tune of every song on Thriller, or winning the lottery every day for a year. 

“I'm not saying it's impossible,” Singh elaborated. “Well, I guess I am saying that.”

Phil Nordstrom has been driving transport trucks across North America for thirty-eight years and believes mistakes were made in the report. Nordstrom indicates that he typically begins the motion of honking at an F-150 and, by the time his hand reaches the horn, the truck has done something that warrants a honk. He caught up with the Alliston Gerald at the King City On Route.

“Do I think Di Rocco's lying? No, probably he isn't,” Nordstrom told sources. “What I'm saying is he was probably high or psychotic or half asleep and believed the truck was an F-150 when it was actually a different truck or a bird flying by or some crap on his glasses.”

While the Alliston Gerald received several emails claiming the poor representation of drivers of F-150s was unfair, it was soon revealed all of these came from owners of F-150s.

At the time of publication, investigative reporters had used cameras located outside local businesses to identify the truck and eventually learnt what is believed to be the name of the man driving it at the time of the good deed. Preliminary investigations suggest the truck's driver at that time was not the owner.